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[29 Dec 2007|08:14pm] |
mmm bored and waiting to go to sarahsssss tonight =)
2007
January- enjoyed my time off from school. went to sarah's in randolph pretty much every day with charles and quinn. going back to school after break was terrible. i was miserable. i was thought i was going to be lost without the australians there, but it wasnt bad.
february- chilled a lot with annette and maggie (jills roomates), they became my best friends at school. charles came up to drive me home and we got smashedd (a little too smashed haha) and i had a crush on chad. me and sarah chillleeeeddd. pretty much just schoolwork, friends, and drinks. it was a good time. i became good friends w. the guys down the hall from net and mag and we all chilled all the time.
march- spring break, worked everyday,, took one day off and went with rach to meet up with kim and go thrift shopping.
april- i remember on 420 i was w. net & russ in the woods behind our school in the "nest" (someone made it by putting up branches making a teepee like structure around a tree) we were smokin and all of a sudden we saw a skunk crawling thru the branches. we freaked out and just ran as far as we could, it was hilarious. i went with maggie to bloomsburg to help her dad move into his new house. that was fun, i saw bainer for a little while when i was there too.
may- school ended, thank god. and i came home for summer. i went with pj up to montreal to see some singer and to view the sites, it was a lotta fun, im so glad hes in my life, hes the older brother i never had. kev had a party that i like ran away from. i dont know for whatever reason when i came home i was really depressed and decided to hate everyone. weird. chai showed me the gorge, it was beautiful. oh yeah, me chai and sarah did shrooms. it was an amazing day. poor sarah kinda freaked out, but than me and chai hung out and went to greenview. it was the perfect day. so beautiful outside. and we sat around and really appreciated everything. it was awesome. aaand me sarah and rachel went to the city one day. we went to central park and such.
june- i went to the prisco grad party and made out with the boy who i had my first kiss with when i was like 10 years old, it was cute. woke up the next morning and decided to get wasted before leaving, i ran away from home that day cz i didnt wanna go to my uncles house for some family party. rae came and picked me up on west parkway. we got tbell and sarah then went to the gorge and drank brewks, it was a fun day. started going to the beach every thursday with quam cz i had off of work.
july- started being with quam. we all went up to ithaca for my bday weekend, it was awesome (for the most part) went to rutgers a lot with kaitlyn. had a lotta fun partying there all the time. yeah pretty much just worked and went to the beach every chance i got.
august- pretty sad that i had to go back to school after such an awesome summer. moved into my house up in ithaca and classes started.
september- school, friends, soccer started.
october- came home for an awesome halloween partyyy at horace's old house. started to like being home more than being at school.
november- ended things w. quam. went to florida (universal & to visit my grandparents) over thanksgiving break. im in love with my family. freaked out at the thought of having to go back to school and realized i should probably transfer.
december-finished up school w. finals and such. had a great christmas, and ive been having so much fun with my firends at home..
and yeah, here i am. depressed and lost as hell. not sure what to do about school. i just know i have to leave. wish i decided to go to cali w. chai. but it was too last minute and shit. hes going to keene anyways. idk. blah. kbye.
i hope 2008 is dope.
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[01 Oct 2007|08:07pm] |
i've been awake for a while now
you've got me feelin like a child now
cause every time i see your bubbly face
i get the tinglies in a silly place
it starts in my toes
and i crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go
The rain is fallin on my window pane
but we are hidin in a safer place
under covers stayin dry and warm
you give me feelings that i adore
it starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go
But what am i gonna say
when you make me feel this way....
I just........mmmmmm
Starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go
i've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
i'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth
It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin me tight......
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go...
Wherever you go
always know
cuz you make me smile
even just for a while..
my weekend recap:
soo i went home this weekend. it was awesome =) i went home thursday and saw my lovely family, they're the best. then that night i drove down to rutgers to see quam, it was pretty amazinggg ;) we woke up the next morning and i made him skip classes cz im selfish and wanted him all to myself . so me and him went to visit rachels work, unbuttoned, in englewood. its really nice and professional looking (and ps sophie is the cutest thing ive ever seen!) the three of us went out to lunch at this mexican place (delicious,) then rae went back to work and me and quam went to pequannock. went to APS and saw Monica =) !! i miss herrrr, working with her over the summer was so fun. then we went to sarahs new house in boonton. its friggin awesome! its from the 1700s. its pretty big and shes got the whole upstairs to herself. so that night we hung out there. it was awesome, pretty much all my closest friends in town were there, it was nice and chill. then quam slept over and the next day we had a pretty lazy morning then later on quam rae and i went to nyc. we wanted to go to the mythical creatures exhibit but it was closed by the time we got there. so we went to washington square park, soho, and then to the hooka bar. it was a lotta fun. i love those two. when we got back we went to allie stone's house. and just hung out, a few of her friends were there. we just talked for a couple hours i dunno it was so much fun tho. allies awesome, ive met her a few times but this time we actually hung out. shes great. i hope i see her a lot when i come home. then that night quam and i slept at his house. we had a hilarious "episode" if you will at 3am with his father that i dont really feel like explaining but all was well... then sunday woke up to mom freaking out cz she didnt know where i was. after church got quam and we hung out at my house for a while. we went and saw davids play at 2. it was pretty good, im so proud of him and his acting =) then afterwards realized i had an exam monday at 9am so quam left and i studied at home all day then ate dinner then left to come back here circa 9pm didnt get here till 1215 , that drive blew balls. i was so exhausted cz i barely slept all weekend and now im sick, but its cool. it was an awesome weekend., im really happy about it =)
thats all. time for dinner and bed.
peace kids.
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[20 Sep 2007|07:48pm] |
i dont know what to do.
dont wanna be here
dont wanna be there
i wanna be closer to home
i wanna be on the other side of the world
wanna to do something important
wanna live relaxed for once
id love to do something i love
turns out i dont love anything
i wish you didnt write me off
wish it was flip flopped
you can only talk so much
until you find yourself in circles
where am i supposed to go
what am i supposed to do
im sorry ive been blocking you out
im fully aware but dont feel strong enough to let you back in
why cant my life be as black and white as yours
mom thinks she raised such a great girl
if only she knew
theyre so proud
if only they knew
i cry too much
dont feel like im cut out for their expectations
everything reminds me of when i was a kid
theres only one me
im not taken seriously
but im the only one to blame for that
time doesnt stop
i wanna see sean
bitter sweet
ill be right back here in the end anyway
feeling like this
miserable
i need direction
but dont know where to get it
i need someone to talk to
but ive talked to everyone
talking doesnt solve anything
its actions that make the difference
im not sure which ones to take
time keeps going
one guarantee
compare myself to everyone
wonder what im missing
am i missing
missing out on something
just missing
theres a hole in me
not just in my tongue
this ones not filled with metal
dont think it can be filled period
i feel it every day
something is wrong
my life wasnt supposed to be like this
okay change it
yea?/ how
uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
thats what i thought
help?
silence.
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love
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[24 Aug 2007|12:43pm] |
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
=)
here we go...
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[25 Jun 2007|12:27pm] |
I just want some one to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made.
.
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love
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[13 Jun 2007|04:22pm] |
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phantom limb//the shins |
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=) life is wonderful.
p.s. "you cant cross bridges youve burned"
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love
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| unhidden |
[09 Jun 2007|12:31am] |
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shimmer//fuel |
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a booty call only works when they answer the phone and then precede to meet you somewhere
i dont even answer to begin with
so why does he keep calling
now im sure im not the only one he drunk dials
in fact im positive that im not
and its pretty degrading to know that he thinks he can call me when hes drunk and get ass
hes never gotten ass from me like that
i havent even seen the kid in over a year
back in the beginning of senior year i had a pretty big crush on him
and i thought maybe he wasnt as big of an asshole as he pretended to be
maybe he was really a sweetheart who wanted a relationship and would be a good boyfriend
eventually i woke up and realized i was wrong
hes far from that type of guy
he truly is just looking for ass
and exactly the type of guy i and everyone else always took him for
whatever girl (if she even exists) can turn that boy around, i admire so much
maybe he'll never change
maybe even when hes older he'll be like this
i hope not, just for his sake
i feel like for him especially, finding love would change him
i dont think hes ever had a girlfriend
haha i cant believe im thinking about him this much
when all he sees me as is a piece of ass
i dunno, i care about him i guess
for whatever reason
and i hope, for whatever its worth, that he lives a happy and fulfilling life.
&&for the simple reason of life working the way it does, i guarantee he'll never call again after tonight.
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[25 May 2007|01:02am] |
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today was insane.
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love
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[07 May 2007|04:24pm] |
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summer = tomorrow
=)
i cant waiiiiit.
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love
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| el oh vee ee |
[04 May 2007|12:28am] |
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"i cant wait to be in love, like i want you to have my babies in love. the love where you both love eachother the same, rather than one being more in love than the other. to the point where it doesnt matter where you are or what youre doing. you can talk for hours about anything at all or you can sit and not say a word, either way its comfortable. you love eachother more every day. you learn from eachother. you love spending time together but you're not inseperable. you can spend time apart and be certain nothing will change. every day is a new day to build your relationship and to explore what the world has to offer. and its fun and exciting and there are butterflies involved. now this seems like a fairytale, this isnt reality though. love takes work, it takes compromise and trust. its not easy but you work thru differences because you want eachother. you need to wait until this person comes along, the one that wants you as much as you want them."-(me and maggies convo)
i feel like a huge part of my life, at least these next few years, im not gonna find anyone like this. idunno err i sound like such a girl right now, i havent really been thinking about this lately these thoughts just came up from our convo up there. i realize ive grown numb to flying solo and only having to worry about myself, and i kinda like it. not so long ago id find myself (everywhere i would go) scouting out boys and trying so hard to find someone, to find anyone that i could have that type of relationship with. coming to college it just made me stop scouting and turning my priorities to myself and my friends both at home and at school. and i like how my life is right now. and i kinda like how i havent found my "soul mate" yet because this way i have something to look forward to. of course at the same time i get scared that ill never find this part of my life that im looking for. but its both a waste of time and stupid to worry about something like that. i personally believe that you cant go looking for love because its just something that happens when you least expect it, at least thats how it has always been for me. so really this entry is just a waste of words, thoughts, and typing but it was on my mind.
tomo is my last day of classes =) than "slope day".. then saturday and sunday are devoted to studying and packing. then monday exam and tuesday there are 3 then coming home tuesday evening.. i cant wait for summerrrr =)
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."
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[30 Apr 2007|10:03am] |
not doin too good
ready for summer
8 days couldnt come soon enough
im sick of schoolwork
sick of teachers
im ready for home
ready for a change
and for summer
im goin to montreal w. pj in a few weeks
then hopefully new orleans w. quinn
that would be sweet
i cant wait to come up here in the summer and stay in the house and bring friends and hang out with friends from up here too
im tired
i hate that girl, she makes me miserable and im so glad shes going to spain for all of next year
it just sucks, she just sucks
and unfortunately she plays a huge roll in why i cry in bathrooms and just wish i was a different person
i cant stand when people dont like me
anyway, she blows balls
i black out now, pretty much every time since ive been to college.
whatever. im over it.
tony hawk is a wonderful thing
me and anet are addicted
peace.
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love
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| heyy f l o a t a |
[25 Apr 2007|02:13am] |
It's hard to know just what to do in times like these
It's hard to know just what to say
And I'm just sitting here just asking myself why
It's good to know you feel the same
And I believe
I wanna be your everything
And anything you need.
Don't cry for us tonight
Don't cry we'll be all right
If I could I'd be by your side
Don't cry for us
You know that I'd give anything to watch you sleep
I can picture you just lying there
We don't need to say the words
'cause they don't mean a thing
You know you're not alone when someone cares.
And I believe
You are still my anything
And everything I need
Built of steel, we may seem weak
and rusted
But in times like these we've always won
and trusted
in ourselves
It's hard to know just what to do in times like these
It's hard to know just what to say
we were obsessed for a while,
every once in a while.. i miss ya, i really do. miss how we were. miss how it was. miss goin over your house everyday and wish it could just be normal again. and quite honestly, what hurts the most is knowing full well that we've both completely moved on and to try and get anything back, well i dont know if we could do it. its just so strange to me still that the one friendship i anticipated on lasting a very long time was the only one ive never been able to get back.. just think about it.
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| damn. |
[16 Apr 2007|04:08am] |
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bullet and a target//citizen cope |
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yeah its 4 am..but im like freaking out. my roomates boyfriend just broke up with her tonite and she was a mess which is understandable.. i didnt really talk to her about it cz well she just didnt want to which is fine. at 3 i got off the phone w chai (which was a wonderful 3 hour conversation which im so glad we had) =) and hopped in the shower cz i felt gross when i got back she was gone..ive got no clue where she could be,,maybe talking to him? i dont know. im really really worried though. i hope shes not crazy enough to do something drastic and i know im thinking of the worst possible scenerio and im sure shes fine but thats all i keep thinking, cz she has really bad anxiety plus depression and im reallyreallly really worried right now. and just wanna be assured that shes okay, wish she was here. err i feel so bad cz hes such a big part of her life and honestly she is very picky about who shes friends with and therefore doesnt have many,, he is pretty much the only person she hangs out with. and im not over exagerating either,, when hes not around she just sits in the room i dunno just so worried about her right now and idk if ill be able to sleep w.out knowing where she is. she scares me, when people are so upset like this it kills me and i get so worried about it and so scared. i have like the chills right now ughh damn. im scared.
its friggin blizzarding outside, maybe we'll have a snow day tomorrow,,that would be wonderful so i could catch up on sleep but its not gonna happen most likely. goddamn where could she possibly be. errrg. i cant wait for summer, for it to be nice out, to go home and drive my car and hang out with my friends and just chill out, even working for my mom is gonna be sweet,,i hate school work and im so sick of it. we're signing the lease for our house sometime this week, that freaks me out. i feel so old haha but its exciting at the same time and im really happy about my life right now. and about what happened this weekend. i dont know how i feel. like yeah it suckss like how it happened i guess and it was never what i intended or even expected to happen , but you know what it did. and there is no point in regretting any of it because that wont reverse what happened or make me feel alrightt,,so no regrets and im kinda relieved i guess. i always made it such a big deal and in the end, well its not, not at all. and now its over with and i feel good. i dont even know him that well. ive seen him like twice before friday night and that was it. but netter and maggie have known him since last year and always said hes their favorite out of the group and the nicest and not known for doing that, but at the same time i just keep remembering that no, it didnt mean anything. haha theres no way it couldve when you dont know the person. i guess thats why i am so emotionless about the whole thing cz well there was none involved which maybe is better. i dont know. weird. im even surprised with myself. ughh so when we went out friday night it was me maggie lindsay and sarah. sarahs a bitch i hate her so much shes just so mean and doesnt give a fuck about anyone and shes just a shitty friend. so well i wasnt really around but apparently lindsay and sarah were just being "attention seeking whores" haha according to maggie and basically she ended up walking bak to campus by herself and thats a good 25 minute walk. and they didnt even call her to make sure she was okay or anything. so basically today i got so pissed at the whole situation and net was talking to her online and i got in there and just went nuts, flipped out, told her EVERYTHING i feel about her and how she should just die haha out of line? perhaps, but i dont regret that at all either. she needs to hear it. and ya know she doesnt even give a fuck. it doesnt even phase her what i think of her, i dont mean ANYTHING to this girl. its so pathetic and its just cz she never gave me the time of day..i dont even get how maggie and anet are friends with them. but yeah idk. when i get angry, i get angry and theres no stopping me..i just freak out. so yeah it was a pretty emotional weekend i suppose i love my friends here though and im so grateful that i have them, cz w.out them my life would be pretty boring. welp thats all, i dont know what im gonna do, prolly try to sleep would be my best plan, but i dont know if i can thats how freaked out i am. so nervous. ugh. 3 more weeks of classes =) and its gonna fly which is pretty sweet. then home for like 4 months or something rediculous like that. i cant wait, im so excited for summer. i cant believe its friggin blizzarding right now, this is rediculous. its the middle of april haha ithacas so strange. ahhh i love it. and i probably love you too. damn i just wrote a novel, congrats if you read that whole thing haha nitenite
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| hey mrs robinson |
[03 Apr 2007|02:11am] |
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dmb//best of whats around |
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mm so just got off the phone with mama a little while ago. she needs me to work full time for her this summer so ima do that =) it worked out well i needed a job and the girl she just hired isnt working outt so welp there i am. im really excited, im getting a new car cz megs is turning 17 in june and needs the intrepid. im pretty sure im getting a mercury cougar,, they're so pretty i like them. but we'll see. i found one online. 2000. 36,000mi. $8,999. moms calling the dealership tomorrow to see what the deal is. i really really really hope i get it but we'll see,,i have a feeling that it wont happen, whatever. i wishi could live w netter & maggie and them next year,, it kinda blows that it doesnt look too promising. they were talking about living off campus next year adn if they do that than i could live w them but i highly doubt it cz most of the good housing is already taken at this point. idk im just living each day one by one and its nice. i really like my life right now. i love ithaca. i went to bloomsburg over the weekend with maggie cz her dad just bought a house there so we went to help him move in and i saw bainer for a lil while and maggie saw her friends, it was a good time but surprisingly (a good surprise) i missed ithaca haha im gonna misss it and my friends when i go home for the summer.. the summer. damn. only 5 weeks away i think. thats insanity. im goin home this weekend for easter. im excited to see my friends and family. i miss charles and dont know whats goin on with us, or its more like i dont know whats going on with me when it comes to him. hopefully itll be all okay. which i have faith will happen being that we've been through so much together already. havent really talked much to anyone else besides rae. jannas still mia basically and even sarah i havent heard from in a while although its two ways and i suppose i should make more of an effort too. mom told me about monica, she decided randomly a few weeks ago that she didnt want to be with her husband anymore. its so weird. theyve been married for about 15 years and were just about to buy a big new house. we dont know what happened but she just decided that she didnt wanna be married to him anymore so they sold their house and she just moved this past weekend into an apt. its so weird. cz when i would work for mom she would talk to him a lot on the phone and stuff and idk it just seemed like they were so happy. but apparently shes the one that called it off and he's really upset. she said she feels bad for him but hasnt felt upset yet about her decision. so maybe it is the right thing. she loves to go out and still has a lotta friends (which is awesome and i hope i still have friends when im older) and hes more the type that just likes to sit home and have a quiet eveningg, so i suppose she got annoyed with that. idk thats just how society is nowadays. even at school i talk to people all the time about marriage and stuff and no one ever says they can imagine being with just one person for the rest of their life. that makes sense but i dunno i really hope whoever i marry i stay married to for the rest of my life. i dont mind if its just one person ,,thats what makes it special and thats important to me. but in all honesty i think its better for monica that she made this decision and im happy for her as long as shes happy. she has this crazy wild side to her that i can tell even underneith how professional and sweet she is and im not surprised at all that she got bored with her husband or sick of him or whatever the case truly was. my sister megan is amazing and i love her so much. shes the strongest person ive ever met and i respect that so much. i keep screwing around with this one guys head down the hall from netter and maggies room. i dont like him and told him i could never be anything with him but its one of those things where you want what you cant have. and he is very very good at playing that hard to get game which attracts me like no other. and the more i think about it the more i think, maybe i do really like him and just dont realize it yet because im stubborn and shallow. who knows, he just doesnt care. or atleast thats what he tells me. i really like jason tho. 2 weekends ago i hung out and drank with him and netter for 3 days straight and it was a blast. we lived on beer and taco bell. and im not quite sure how i didnt die, but good news i didnt. but idk it was this incredible bonding experience honestly for the 3 of us and i really really like hanging out with him now, hes always in netter&maggies room just like me and well its a good time.yea i still live there. i find it funny cz im pretty sure im in there more often than im in my own room. today i went to ithaca hs to observe the group of Deaf students that go there cz i decided to do a project on how to teach Deaf kids how to read. it was pretty coool seeing them in a classroom setting and at lunch and stuff. its cool how i learned so much about Deaf culture this year and the most important thing would be how they are just like you and me and the Deaf community is simply another culture, not a group of "disabled" people. i think i might minor in sign. i really like it and as a speech path. it could totally come in handy. and i believe they are just adding it now as a minor, so we'll see what happens. i have a meeting with my advisor tomorrow, i wanna go to australia. im debating between next spring or spring of my junior year. i really really wanna go spring of next year cz lydia and gen will still be around then,,but we'll see. i know my advisor said that i can go either time and it would be okay. =) that would be such an awesome experience. i have this whole feeling that im gonna fall in love with australia and wanna move there when im older but well i havent been there yet so i cant really say that. pat messaged me on myspace the other night. haha he told me like a bunch of stuff going on in his life which i thought was awesome. i think its so great and im so thankful that (even after the bitch i was to him) hes still comfortable enough with me to share whats going on in my life as if he knows that of course im interested and its cool to know that he wants to tell me and wants me to know whats going on with him, i dunno it made me smile. i hope we see more of him this summer. hes really cool and im convinced that if we never dated things wouldve been better between us and we wouldve ended up being really good friends. sometimes i wish we never dated quite honestly. but at the time it was what i wanted and what i thought i needed so - no regrets my friend, simply lesson learned. (dont hop into a relationship without really knowing the person just bc you want a bf) they say its supposed to snow up here this weekend. i really hope thats a lie. the snow finally all melted and its been relatively warm, and i wish it could just stay that way. anyway definitely just wrote a book and now there is nothing left inside of my brain so im stopping.. i hope you enjoyed it. peace.
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[25 Mar 2007|11:14pm] |
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my life has never been more out of control. and ive never been happier =)
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| dear diary upon request |
[19 Mar 2007|01:10pm] |
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procrastinating |
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two points for honesty//guster |
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so its been a while once again. the only reason i even write in this thing is because itll be fun to look back and see how i felt/what was going on at a certain point in my life. ive found that the quote, "days go by and nothing seems to change, than you look around and everythings different" or something along those lines, is so true. when people ask me whats new the answer always seems to be nothing, but at the same time its really everything. err great story haha arite..
okay just got back from spring break. which was an awesome time. honestly, it was more fun than i had anticipated. a few highlights--
.annette and i got wasted right before i left which made the drive home hilarious.
.saw and hung out with a lot of people, especially those i hadnt seen in a while =) which was spectacular.
.worked for my mom in the new office on the turnpike ((atlantic payroll services)) which is so nice-im so happy for her.
.went hiking up that "mountain" with matty vin and charless and smoked 2 blunts at the top =) it was absolutely gorgeous tho. you could see our entire town and than nyc in the background, great experience really.
.played phase 10 and got drunk with jessica and rachel in my kitchen. (yeah there was nothing to do that night i promise)
.rachel kim richie and i "did dover" [& morristown] than went to a party and made friends with jake and ____ dont remember the other kids name but they were cool, or we hope so anyway.
.played in the snow with both of my quams & rachel
.went on a date to see zodiac with williams
.and saw the wizard of oz at the high school. david was hilarious.
but yeah,, err i felt like the whole time me and mommy were always agrueing over stupid stuff which completely blew. usually we get along really well but for whatever reason we clashed like a plaid with poka dots the whole week and it sucked. ill admit it tho, im one stubborn jackass and she had a 103degree fever all week therefore having no idea what was going on. good excuse? no.
one more highlight i forgot to mention:
.went to the chinese buffet with janna and she visited me at work and we ate our food outside of moms office on that one day when it was like 70 degrees (oo and we got ritas=),,it was nice to see her and blows that it was such a rare occurance but just because i believe it should always be "bros before hoes" end of story. doesnt mean she has to also, its her decision who she hangs out with & i respect that. and quite honestly, there is no use in getting upset about it (although as her friends you have a right to, reasons to, and going to, and im glad because there would be more of a problem if no one cared) but shes gonna do what she wants no matter what plans she makes before, or what she says shes gonna do that she ends up not following through with. its janna, we all know she does that. and the reality is that it yes sucks. completely. and i both hope and know that she'll realize eventually that just because she found a wonderful boy doesnt mean she has to throw all of her other friendships out the window. eww thats all dramatic and all sorry bout that. but i really really dont think she realizes what shes doing, maybe reading this she will? i dunno. but than again i realize its hard to juggle a boyfriend and friends,,i guess? and of course when you first meet a guy that your really into your gonna spend more time with them, naturally. but you NEED to make time somehow for those people that made your world before he came along because i can promise you that they will always be there, see i cant promise that with him, of course i hope he always will be, but the only thing i know for sure is we'll always be here, so make time for us.. yes hang out with your boyfriend, you should, and im so happy for you babe but be careful cz the farther you push people away the harder it is to get them back. it sucks cz there are a lot of people that care about you and wanna stay good friends with you but a friendship is hard when your not around. i hope you atleast read this and put some thought into it. i love you sweetheart, again im so happy for you, and i dont care if its selfish but all i want is for you to have a boyfriend and be happy but also have me i wanna be there i wanna stay as close as weve been and honestly, thats all any of your friends want from you too. they want their best friend back. im not asking you to give anything up my dear, rather add us back into your life. i love you. "lean on me" always <3
aritee really needed to let that all out. i already told her most of that anyway but hopefully seeing it again will help it sink in.
so theres only 8 more weeks of school left. or 7.5 if you wanna be all technical. but still, thats nothing and itll fly im sure. i cant believe its already the end of my freshman year at college. thats crazy. i love ithaca too. although i miss my friends at home im really glad i went away and came here. college is wonderful when your away, really. all i do is fuck around, and go to class. of course not having a job here helps alot cz that means a ton of free time. i spend my days hanging out in jills room with annette and maggie and sometimes the guys down the hall. its a good time my friends and i cant get over how much time really does fly when im here.
tomorrow is annettes birthday =)
mmm tacos & wine, yummy.
farewell my friends..
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[01 Mar 2007|04:50pm] |
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so happy march.
i really like march for the most part. we have spring break in a week and ill be home for st.pattys day =) i was reading my entry from about a year ago and i cant believe it was that long since our bball season ended. thats crazy, it doesnt seem that long ago at all. it was also almost a year since all that stuff with megs and when mya left and we got meesha. time has been flying lately. i cant believe break is so soon,, basically we're halfway thru this semester, when we get back theres only 8 weeks left till summer, thats nothing. i really like school for the most part. me and netter both ended up on chads intramural soccer team without realizing it which is pretty sweet. we won our first game on monday (i scored 4 goals!! veryexcited) and than we lost last night. its not as awkward as i thought it was going to be considering the circumstances and it was a good time. im also on a coed soccer team with a few girls from my club team, my soccer coach, and some other random guys, thats a good time too. i hope the summers fun. i definitely wann work at the young life camp in saranac for a month with a few girls from here. we're thinking the month of june we'll do that which would be cool cz its in the middle of the summer pretty much. me chai and a few others were thinking about driving across the country to cali. that would be an awesome experience but between vacations/work/time/money/ectect who knows if itll really follow through but that would be crazzzy. ah i just cant wait for it to get warm out. ill be circa 30degrees out here and ill go out in a t-shirt, thats how used to freezing weather you get up here. we're on a hill so its constant wind/snow/cold. im living with jill next year. mixed feelings on that one but im sure itll be a good time. ill prolly be residing in netter&maggies apt. all the time anyways. im very content with my life for the most part. ive been trying not to overanalyze as much and to just relax and not worry and it has been great. im glad nothing happened so far with me and chad and we're just friends because if anything had happened when it did it clearly wouldve been too fast and im realizing more and more how important it really is to get to know someone before you start the whole dating scene. its so true that relationships have a better chance of lasting when you are both friends first. and yeah im just realy glad that didnt happen cause i realize now it wouldve blown up in my face and i wouldve been a mess. soooooooooooo yeah. im clearly procrastinating right now cz i have a paper due tomorrow for riccardo that i do not feel like writing. its almost done anyway. good story. arite lovebugs,, catch ya on the flip side =)
my new favorite song (charles dont make fun of me):
From the sky, the train tracks look like stitches.
Like they’re holding the world together; like it’ll blow any minute.
And I’ve got another thought I’ll keep to myself.
Until the skeletons walk free. Until the make-up all comes off.
There’s nothing new to discover, there’s nothing new to invent.
There’s nothing new to think that hasn’t been thought of before.
And there’s nothing to believe we haven’t already forgotten.
There’s nothing left, there’s nothing new, there’s nothing—
No, no, no, no.
And I’ve got another dream I’ll keep to myself.
Until the tyrants are dead and the patriots are swallowed whole.
And I’ve got a bottle I can aim at the center,
Full of letters, as a kid, I’d always meant to send.
We’d speak our minds and change the world.
We’d fix the past and pave the way.
But now we’re fresh out of heroes; now we’ve run dry on hope.
--electric president.
There are no saviors in technology: just quick fixes.
And holes, within holes, within holes, within you.
And a place to hang my head, and convince myself there is no difference.
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[08 Feb 2007|07:01pm] |
itsgonnabeokayitsgonnabeokayitsgonnabeokay
.. no matter how long ya gotta wait.
no matter how much you just want things to work out how YOU want them to..
"love is patient"
and if ya want it, you gotta be patient too.
whats meant to be, will happen.
you cant manipulate love or anything truly real for that matter
He's got a bigger plan than we can even begin to imagine.
just gotta remember that ;)
He loves you no matter who you are..
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| it was time for Him to take you home.. |
[30 Jan 2007|05:12pm] |
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rest in peace mista straka <33
a long time ago - 1/29/07
you were the biggest pain in the ass ive ever met, but always had a big heart, and always meant well. you were one of the few in pequannock high school that knew how to teach =) Thanks for all those damn analogies, and making sure we worked our hardest.. and dont worry, (because i'm sure you did and all) but ill find someone else to marry ;) haha we'll never forget you and all you taught us..
He only takes the best..
lovelovelovelovelove
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